Storytime Answers

My last few days as a mom have been . . . brutal, disappointing, exhausting. My attitude has started off poorly with my kids and just gotten worse throughout the day. I was easily frustrated and impatient and harsh and negative. I felt so discouraged at their behavior and overwhelmed at the amount of mess in my house and on different planets with my husband and isolated from people and at the end of my reserves. Today, after a wake-up call at 4 am from my son, I had some time to read. I read in Ephesians, chapter 3. A verse struck me: "Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." I immediately thought, "Yes, that's what I need today, so as not to repeat a yesterday. Fullness. Life. Power." I was intrigued by the "then" . . . the cause for this completeness. And I was amazed at the beginning of that very verse: "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully." So, in order to walk in fullness and life and power (necessary to keep me from totally yelling at my kids all the time), I don't need to memorize anything or check off any boxes or make it to the gym 5 times a week. I need to experience the love of Christ, personally. I tentatively asked God for that this morning after I read. "Would you let me 'experience Your love' today in a tangible way?" I prayed, a bit hopeful, but honestly, not expecting to win the lottery.

Later that morning, I was reading to Kelty and Cade. We lay out about 10-15 books, and I let them take turn choosing which ones to read. Kelty was up first and chose our Children's Bible. We've been working through this since the summer. It just so happened that our reading today was on the betrayal of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. After we read Cade's choice, it was her turn to pick again. She chose the Bible Storybook, and we read the next chapter: the trial of Jesus. She continued choosing that same book, until we read through the entire trial, death, and resurrection of Christ. I thought it was pretty special how she kept choosing the Bible to hear, but I didn't think much about it--until later, at church. I was sitting there and was honestly a bit disappointed with God for not sending me supernatural flowers or providing a free Starbucks for me somehow to prove His love. But then I was reminded of our story time this morning. I had asked God to let me experience His love for me today, and a Divinely appointed reminder came through a children's book and my daughter's desire to hear more. Jesus's brutal death on a cross as a pursuit of humanity is love far beyond a free coffee or even the winning the lottery. It is the Ultimate Love, and here I was reading the words and seeing the pictures of this event right alongside my kids in our livingroom this morning, the same morning I had asked to see His love for me. Death on my behalf--can't get much more loving than that.

So, I'm thankful God showed up for me today. Thankful that He answered my timid question--by using a kids book in story time, quietly, personally. I guess that's how He works sometimes, if we will pay attention to His whispers.

And, yes, my day as a mom has been much, much better.