Mac-and-Cheese Throwdown

I loathe grocery shopping--especially with three small children.  If I were rich, I would hire somebody else to do it.  If I were smart, I would leave the kids at home and go alone, but since I am neither, I continue to endure the self-inflicted torture weekly.   

Case in Point.  Last week as we were making our sprint down the aisles grabbing the red-labeled sale items, my four-year-old son decided to throw an attitude like a hormonal teenage girl.  The whining was warned, the rude comments cautioned, but it was the defiant dropping of a box of macaroni-and-cheese to the floor that brought the cart to a screeching halt.  And I don't consider myself the world's most consistent disciplinarian, but when your kid starts throwing mac-and-cheese in the supermarket because he doesn't like the picture on the box, you have to draw some kind of line.  And, so I pulled out the big guns--I took away the (gasp) free cookie.  I admit, its the bakery's free samples that provide the carrot I must dangle to navigate any grocery-store run, and my tantrum-throwing preschooler just lost his.

As I expected, wails erupted from aisle three.  Embarrassed, I quickly assesed my surroundings.  One lone audience member was casually witnessing our little family drama-- a grandmotherly lady with glasses perched on her nose and a list neatly marked in her hand.  She was calmly studying the noodle labels, and my motherly injured-pride began to arise from the ashes of my child's public meltdown.  I launched with full gusto into a speech about how "disrespect has consequences," and "discipline is supposed to hurt," and "maybe next time you will obey my warnings, young man."  And as we passed our peripheral-glancing witness,and as my son's protests quieted, I turned the corner, feeling accomplished, redeemed, like a mom that Dr. Phil would be proud of.

The Assault.  Three aisles and a full cart-full later, my six-year-old daughter began her assault.  She'd seen a stuffed animal bear that played music, and launched into her five-point thesis about why she needed to own it by the time we left the store.  Distracted, stressed, and ready for this trip to be over 45 minutes ago, we found ourselves at the bakery.  In front of.  The free cookies.  And the baby gets one in her pudgy hand and my six-year old debate-team member grabs one in hers, and I reach for just one more.  I reason the merciful, "He has been really good ever since the incident on the pasta aisle," and the practical, "Can I really handle a meltdown right now?"  And the hand that threw the mac-and-cheese now happily grasps a cookie in his hand, anyway.

And I start to head for the yogurt, when . . .

Busted.

Grandma with the list.

Staring at the lost cookie, now given.  Mouth nearly forming a "tsk, tsk."

And, so, I do what any respectable mother would--I pretend I don't see her and skip the yogurt.

Keeping My Word.   A group of my friends meet weekly to talk about the words of Jesus and how they apply to our daily lives.  And we are all from different faith journeys, but one of the commonalities we share is that we all recognize the rich goodness of Jesus's teachings.  And as I was kicking myself for the grocery-store-drama later that night, I was reminded of one of these powerful life lessons.  Jesus taught once, "Let your 'yes' be 'yes,' and your 'no' be 'no' " (Matthew 5:37).  Simple and powerful parenting (and life) advice, given many years ago on a dusty hillside.  And I realized that the cookie was not the issue that afternoon, nor was another woman's opinion of me as a mom.  The real issue, the place where I messed it up, was in not keeping my word.

And I will probably never see grandma-list-lady, but you can believe that I am going to quit with the empty threats and am going to start following through with dogged determination more.  I am going to try to make my words mean something, and I am going to make the consequences I give my kids to really stick--regardless of where we are or who's watching. 

You can also bet that I am going to start going to the grocery store alone.  I know my limits, after all.